Today is the first day of the end of the world.

Welcome my friends, to Your Future Survival. This blog is here to educate you on the finer points of surviving in the post-apocalyptic world. Through some gross misapplication of resources, it seems that the vast majority of people have spent their education learning about inconsequential topics, such as American state capitals, the generation of book reports, and trigonometry. These topics are inconsequential because American state capitals, books, and triangles have all been destroyed in the post-apocalyptic world. I'm hoping to create a series of blog entries focused on the finer points of life in the post-apocalyptic world. Remember my friends: Today is the first day of the end of the world.

Always be prepared

Any boy scout can tell you the importance of being prepared. It will make all the difference. If you are being hunted by killer robots, who would you want on your team? The woman on the left (pre-T2 Linda Hamilton) or the woman on the right (T2 Linda Hamilton)? Exactly... A good way to get into the mindset of post-apocalyptic preparation is to start making an emergency kit. You will find emergency kits being sold at a store near you that look something like this:

I want to emphasize that these kits ARE NOT ENOUGH for post-apocalyptic survival. All this stuff is important, but you can't fight off a zombie with a multi-tool and cold packs. (Write that down, before you forget.) This basic survival kit is only a supplement to a more extensive survival kit. There are many possible scenarios to prepare for, and there is no magic bullet solution to them all. (There is only a magic bullet solution to the "werewolf apocalypse" scenario. Use silver ones.) Depending on the scenario, you will have to adapt your survival kit accordingly:

The Killer Robot Survival Kit

• Stun gun: Used as a last resort. Only effective against primitive or damaged robots.
• BFG 2000: I'm not going to kid you. You are not going to survive killer robots without a big frak'n gun. Even then, I would still recommend switching to explosives.
• Grenades: Can partially disable a robot, but they may still come after you.
• EMP grenades: Able to knock out all electronics within a specified range. Do not use in aircraft.
• Magnetic mines: Good for setting up traps around choke points.
• Frequency jammer: Able to prevent network connectivity between robots and their central hubs.
• Bulletproof vest: Killer robots will be packing bullets.
• Crowbar: Useful for prying open robots to get access to the internals. (Not useful as a melee weapon. Do not attempt!)

The Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

• Sawed-off shotgun: A popular weapon, but very slow to reload.
• Grenades: Better against hordes of zombies, provided they are not close.
• Chainsaw: Close range weapons are very risky, so use this as a last resort.
• Sword: Very effective at close-quarters if used correctly
• Towels: Fighting zombies is messy business, and you want to keep yourself relatively clean of zombie fluids.
• Zom-B-Gone: A revolutionary anti-zombie spray capable of destroying up to 10 zombies

Mad Max Apocalypse Survival Kit

• Gasoline: Useful for powering your car, bartering for goods, or setting your enemies on fire.
• Alcohol: Most useful as a means to forget that you're in a Mad Max-style apocalypse.
• Rusty melee weapons: If it should ever come to Thunderdome, be prepared for intense melee fighting.
  
• Metal boomerang: If you miss, you can catch it back... carefully.
• Leather thong: This item of clothing will identify you as a "bad ass" causing others to give you more personal space.